God + nothing

As an update, I finished reading the NT and now I’m in the OT.

also, I apologize beforehand if the formatting is weird, I’m on my phone.

Genesis 15:1-2 says:

1. After these things the word of Jehovah came to Abram in a vision, saying, Do not be afraid, Abram; I am your shield and your exceedingly great reward.

And guess what Abram’s response,to Jehovah is in verse 2…

Oh Lord Jehovah, what will You give me, for I go childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus?

Isn’t it funny that Jehovah unveils Himself as Abram’s “exceedingly great reward”, yet Abram still asks, “what will You give me?”

His response is a bit ridiculous if you actually think about it. But I appreciated this is really a picture of us.  God offers Himself to us and we ask “And what else will You give me?” Then to add further insult, Abram selfishly mentions that he is still childless.

Over the past few months I’ve been realizing that I’m too concerned with my own world and situation and too selfish to realize that God has and IS offering Himself to us.  He is our exceedingly great reward, yet we (I) always want something else, God + something, BUT we (I) need to be brought back to ONLY GOD, God + nothing.

I’ve been enjoying a few lines from a hymn:

My goal is God Himself, not joy, nor peace, | Nor even blessing, but Himself, my God;

So faith bounds forward to its goal in God,

What is faith’s goal? To have more faith? To have more strength to beleive in God and trust in what He’s arranging in our (my) life? NO! The goal of faith is JUST God!

Though Abram’s response was not ideal, (I would have smacked him! I mean I’m offering myself and you’re asking me what else do I have to offer you and then you proceed to complain about your problem THAT I already said I would take care of?! I mean really?!) God’s response in verse 5 was not rebuke, but a reminder of His promise to Abram. 

It’s really sweet to realize how much patience and care He has for each one of us.  We’re all still learning. May the Lord really gain a group of people who are satisfied with only Him.

bible reading | day ???

day ??? | Revelation 1

I won’t even attempt to figure out what day it is, but my last post was on Hebrews… and now I’m in Revelation chapter one… I haven’t been too consistent with blogging, lo siento.

Anyways a verse I appreciated:

Revelation 1:17-18:

17. And when I saw Him, I fell at His feet as dead; and He placed His right hand on me, saying, Do not fear; I am the First and the Last 18. And the living One; and I became dead, and behold, I am living forever and ever; and I have the keys of death and of Hades.

He is the First.  He is the Last. He is the living One.  He is living forever and ever.  He has the keys of death and of Hades.  I can’t say I fully comprehend what this means, but Lord unveil Yourself as all these aspects to me.  Give me the experiences I need to really know You as this One who is.

 

bible reading | day 206

day 206 | Hebrews 4

Yes, I know it’s been a long time.  I even missed my 200th day… =/ It’s not that I stopped reading my Bible, I just started a new job and have been traveling between 2 cities… but as I’ve started to settle in and it’s slowly starting to sink in that I live in a new city (I feel like I’ve been on a weird vacation), I realize there is no excuse not to blog and share what I’ve been enjoying in my Bible reading.

As of tomorrow, I will have been living here for 2 WHOLE WEEKS! And in the midst of working and moving, I only have a bed… so the lack of furniture (and organization) is starting to drive me insane, especially since I can’t unpack, so my possessions remain on the floor, piled up.  Top on my priority list is:

1. a desk/or table space to paint and craft
2. a nightstand
3. and a dresser

Sadly, I’ve been to 3 different furniture stores and everything I saw online and wanted WERE NOT IN THE STORE!!!!!! (Why I decided to go to Ikea in the begining of the school year, I don’t know) thus, I’m still left only with a bed.  This thought maddens me.  I would like to finally SETTLE IN so then I can finally feel like I’m not on a weird vacation where I’m always wondering where a certain article of clothing is packed away… but after making a few phone calls it seems like I’m out of luck for now and will have to hope that some factory somewhere is churning out these particular pieces of furniture out and putting them on the next ship/train/plane here!

Enough of my ranting.  as I read my Bible today, I was brought to these verses:

Heb. 4:11-12  Let us therefore be diligent to enter into that rest lest anyone fall after the same example of disobedience. 12. For the word of God is living and operative and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing even to the dividing of soul and spirit and of joints and marrow, and able to discern the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

So it’s always brought back to this.. reading the Word.

I’ve never noticed the context of this verse – where is rest? how do we enter into it? BY THE WORD!

So again, I thank the Lord for His Word.  We can look to the Lord in the Word despite the literal chaos of our life (you should see my room…. to give you an idea of how I was living for a while, I only had pickles and orange juice in my fridge for the first 2 weeks of being help) and enter into rest.

bible reading | day 185

day 185 | 1 Thessalonians 5

Ever wonder what God’s will is for you?

1. Always rejoice,
2. Unceasingly pray
3. In everything give thanks.

In EVERY situation – positive or negative- these are how we stay in the will of God.

We might not be able to rejoice, but we can pray to Him and in our prayers, He is able to show Himself to us, to be the rejoicing one in u s, even the thankful one in us.

I useto think this matter of unceasingly praying was impossible, but I’ve come to realize, it’s just like breathing.  In the midst of our busy days, whether it’s just calling on His name or saying, “Lord this, Lord that” or “Lord I still love You,” these are some of the ways we can unceasingly pray.  It really is that simple!

Maybe we can’t thank Him for the current situation, but we CAN thank Him for still loving us even when we’re jerks. =)

May we those who stop wondering what God’s will is for us in our life.  It really is as simple as 1, 2, 3:

1. Always rejoice,
2. Unceasingly pray
3. In everything give thanks

For this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you!

(please forgive any bad formatting, I’m on my phone posting this)

bible reading | day 176

day 176| philippians 4

The last chapter of Philippians and I haven’t posted once.

I’ll be starting my first full-time job this next Tuesday, but on top of that, I’ll be moving to a new city.  I’m excited and I definitely felt peaceful about taking the job and moving,  but when it comes to the details, I start to worry.

• How am I going to move all my clothes?
• I’m going to need furniture.
• I might be living with all my stuff on the floor for a while… =/
• New roads to learn… and the city I’m moving to has weird roads
• Learning to budget my new income.
• What if I love the things money can buy me more than the Lord… which often is the case…
• SOOO many expenses and details I never had to really think about
• Where will I get my oil changed?
• I need a new car guy.
• Where will I get my hair cut? – stupid question, since I’ve been cutting my own hair.
• I need to find a new home meeting, meet new people.
• What if I’m not good at my job?
• Will I like my co-workers? Will they like me?
• How will my church life be?
• Who will be my spiritual companions?
• How will my Bible reading be affected?

and the list can go on and on, especially since I’m one who loves to play with “what if” scenarios. But I appreciated that we do not need to worry about these things, we just open to the Lord and give it to Him.

Phil. 4:6-7:In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7.  And the peace of God, which surpasses every man’s understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus.

I honestly usually don’t ask more than 1-2 questions (listed above) at a time.  Before I get to question 3, the Lord gently reminds me that I just need to bring it all to Him.

 

a&ll in all: what I’ve learned in the past 7 months

This post might be slightly on the longer side. I am telling you what I learned in the past 7 months. – this is from an email I wrote a month ago (sorry if this looks familiar)

I will try to keep it short, or at least bullet it/ write it in a form that’s easy to skim:

• I moved back home to look for a full-time job.
• I worked part-time at Gap for the past 6 months.
• I’ve been looking for a full-time job since February and it’s be quite the experience.
• I’ve been blogging about my Bible reading (here), which I’m still doing, just no longer everyday (blogging, I’m still reading my Bible everyday).
• I’ve loved the Lord and disliked Him (at different times and sometimes simultaneously)
• I’ve wondered what the meaning of my life is.
• I’ve visited and dwelled in a black hole and have come out of the black hole a few times.
• I went to a week-long conference on The Minor Prophets and felt like I received such a timely word, touching many things I struggled with.

Before going to the conference on The Minor Prophets, I could sum up my experience with 2 statements:

And blessed is he who is not stumbled because of Me (Matthew 11:6)

and

“You should rejoice in the fact that you cannot make it” (The Overcoming Life, Watchman Nee)

—-both I am still struggling with and learning.

In light of The Minor Prophets training, my past 7 months, and a chapter called, “Living by Faith” in Fact, Faith, and Experience (W. Nee), I enjoyed that our Christian life seems to be characterized with mountains and valleys, but as we go on in our Christian lives, “the joy becomes less intense (though deeper), and the time of joy becomes shorter.  At the same time, the dryness becomes more intense and lasts longer (though shallower)” – opposite of what we would think.  It’s not anything we did or did not do, but there are 4 reason for this (you don’t necessarily need to read all of it, bold is good, aftermath is if you would like an explanation):

1. That we would not be for ourselves. Are we reading the Bible because of our interest of because the Bible is the Word of God?  Is the purpose of our prayer to seek God in His presence, or is the goal the joy we feel in our prayer?  If we do all these things for ourselves and to satisfy ourselves, then our aim is not God’s glory.  God is testing us to see if we will keep praying, reading the Word and testifying for Him during the times when the joy is gone and the dryness is present.  He is seeing if we are working according to our duty, or if we are working because of joy.  This cycle will continue until God arrives at His purpose when we realize that our desire for joy is for ourselves and not for God.
2. Disciplining the power of the will.  When we are dry, we have to exercise our will and our work is the result of our real person.  The reason God gives us the dryness is so that we will learn to exercise our will during these dry times.  His intention is to train our will, so that at the darkest hour, we could still exercise our will, and at the time when we we feel dry, we could still exercise our will to read the Bible, pray, and testify.  By doing this, the strength of our will will become stronger and stronger.
3. Overcoming the environment.  If you can overcome the feeling of dryness, you can overcome your environment.  The environment that is closest to a Christian is his emotions.  Only by overcoming your emotions can you overcome other things.
4. Living by Faith.  Our joy and our dryness will be completely merged as one.  Today God has no intention other than having the just live by faith.  If you live by faith you will be able to live a joyful life in the driest hour and live the driest life in a joyful way.  Christians today are strongly inclines toward a life in the emotions.  Whenever God takes away their feeling of joy, they have nothing left.  But God says that we should live by faith and not by feelings.  If we live by faith, we will not be affected by either of the two.  This does not mean we are insensitive; we do have feelings of joy and dryness.  But these outward feelings do not affect us inwardly.

Note: all are direct quotes from the chapter.  To be more accurate, I probably should’ve included “…” but I didn’t.  Lo siento.  But really if you have time to read the chapter. I do recommend it.

So if you’re ever wondering why you’re going through the things you’re going through or why God does not care, remember this chapter and this song:

Lord I believe,
When all around me is defeat.
And it seems
That nothing’s changing outwardly.
No, I’m not discouraged -
I’m believing You.

Yes, I believe,
And there is no demand on me.
Simple faith -
Yes, that is all You want from me.
Freed from anxious doubting, Lord,
I’m free to just believe

Believing You,
Because, Lord, You are my success.
When I fail, all I must do is just confess
and go on enjoying You.
I love believing You.

Not exactly my experience, but we’re all getting there.  =)

Romans 1:17 For the righteousness of God is reveal in it out of faith to faith, as it is written, “But the righteous shall have life and live by faith”

-ev

bible reading | day 169

day 169 | Ephesians 3

Honestly, coming to Ephesians, I think I already know it.  I’ve read it many times and have heard and read different expositions on it.

This mysterious book has been called the “heart of the heart the Bible” and the Paul’s prayer in chapter 3, verses 14 – 19 has been called the “heart of the heart of the heart of the Bible” – so obviously today’s reading is very important, but when anyone, especially I, come to the Bible thinking I already know, we really hinder God from showing more concerning Himself, which is why I’ve grown to appreciate Paul’s prayers.

Paul, in Ephesians 1:16-23, prays that “the Father of glory, may give to you a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the full knowledge of Him,” and that “the eyes of your heart [would be] enlightened, that you may know what is the hope of His calling, and what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints.”

Then in chapter 3, Paul prays again:

14.  For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father, 15.  Of whom every family in the heavens and on earth is named, 16.That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit into the inner man, 17.  That Christ may make His home in your hearts through faith, that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18.  May be full of strength to apprehend with all the saints what the breadth and length and height and depth are 19.  And to know the knowledge-surpassing love of Christ, that you may be filled unto all the fullness of God.

What is “this cause” that leads Paul to pray in verse 14?

verse 9.  And to enlighten all that they may see what the economy of the mystery is, which throughout the ages has been hidden in God, who created all things,

Going back to my last post, do you want to know, and even experience what God’s economy is? To experience and be kept in God’s economy, we can make Paul’s prayers in Ephesians 1 and 3 our prayers:

• Father, save me from thinking I already “know,” give me a spirit of wisdom and revelation
• THAT the eyes of my heart would be enlightened, remove all the veils, You said that whenever the heart turns to the You, the veils shall be taken away. (2 Corinthians 3:16)
• Enlighten me that I may see what Your economy is,
• Grant me to be strengthened with power through His Spirit into my inner man
• THAT Christ would make more home in my heart through faith.
• Root and ground me in love.
• Strengthen me not for strengthening’s sake,  but that I would be saved from my individual ways, and be strenghtened to apprehend with ALL THE SAINTS what the breath and length and height and depth are and to know the knowledge-surpassing love of Christ.

This should be our prayer for ourselves and for others.

bible reading | day 167

day 167 | Ephesians 1

Bad economy this, good economy that, recession, depression, job creation, debt, etc… – it’s not exactly the most comforting thing to hear about… But did you know God has an economy?

9. Making known to us the mystery of His will according to His good pleasure, which He purposed in Himself, 10. Unto the economy of the fullness of the times, to head up all things in Christ, the things in the heavens and the things on the earth, in Him;

In verse 9, we see that God has:

• a will, according to
• His good pleasure, which
• He purposed in Himself
• unto the economy

The word “economy” is first mentioned in verse 10:

[Economy] Or, plan. The Greek word, oikonomia, means house law, household management or administration, and derivatively, administrative dispensation, plan, economy. The economy that God, according to His desire, planned and purposed in Himself is to head up all things in Christ at the fullness of the times. This is accomplished through the dispensing of the abundant life supply of the Triune God as the life factor into all the members of the church that they may rise up from the death situation and be attached to the Body.

There are times that I forget that God has an economy that He has a household administration, a plan, but I love being brought back this this fact.  It is no small thing that our God is not purposeless, but He is full of purpose that He may have His bride in Revelation.

About a year ago, I doubted God’s economy and His love for me – I knew He was real; I knew His economy made logical sense, especially after finally reading through the entire Bible (Old and New Testament).  But for me (I was having a rough time), I did not believe that I was included in His economy.  But I’m here to tell you, no matter where you are in your Christian life, no matter how much you’re struggling or how little you think God is doing in your life, REMEMBER that we are legitimate sons of God.  We are in His household, thus we are in His economy, His household administration. 

“When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy *dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.”

dross: worthless or dangerous material that should be removed; Things that are a total loss — really worthless or damaging — are dross. You could call that gunk between your teeth that comes out when you floss, dross. No one wants it, and it’s harmful if it stays.

The world’s economy is always changing, full of uncertainity, without purpose, but God’s economy is always the same.  He wants to add more of Himself into us that we may express Him.  This is the only economy that can bring you comfort.  Stay in this economy and be open to receive all the riches of God Himself in every arrangement. 

For more on God’s economy, you can read, “The Economy of God” (Lee) or this song gives a very good definition of God’s economy.

bible reading | day 163

day 163 | Galatians 3

As I was reading chapter 3, I had the thought, “Why does Paul KEEP emphasizing being saved through faith and downplaying the law?”

As I was pondering this, I had the realization that because we are all fallen sinners, we tend to default to the Tree of Knowledge of GOOD and Evil, which is verses the Tree of Life, which is just God. It never ceases to amaze me that there are only 2 trees - The Tree of Life (God) verses The Tree of Knowledge of GOOD and Evil  (as you can see I’m trying to emphasize that “good” is on also on the same tree as “evil.”

The law in the Old Testament is good, it paints a picture of who God is, but the law, though good, IS NOT GOD.  Verse 19, even shows that the law was NOT IN THE ORIGINAL PLAN, but was later “added because of the transgressions until the seed should come to whom the promise was made, it being ordained through angels in the hand of a mediator.” and that actually “before faith came we were guarded under law, being shut up unto the faith which was to be revealed. So then the law has become our child-conductor unto Christ that we might be justified out of faith.” (verses 23-24)

3:25-26:  But since faith has come, we are no longer under a child-conductor. (aka we are no longer under the law) For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus.

I appreciated being re-calibrated to see that our natural being defaults to do “good,” to follow the good law, but actually the law was given to bring us back to Christ, to bring us back to the Tree of Life, which is just God Himself. 

Gal. 3:10-14: 

10. For as many as are of the works of law are under a curse; for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who does not continue in all the things written in the book of the law to do them.” 11. And that by law no one is justified before God is evident because, “The righteous one shall have life and live by faith”; 12. But the law is not of faith, yet, “He who does them shall live because of them.” 13. Christ has redeemed us out of the curse of the law, having become a curse on our behalf; because it is written, “Cursed is everyone hanging on a tree”; 14.  In order that the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles in Christ Jesus, that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.

Simply put, everyday we’re faced with only 2 choices. So which tree do you choose?  The Tree of Life or The Tree of Knowledge of GOOD and Evil?

watercolors | painting on canvas

I haven’t posted in a while, sorry – partly because I’ve gotten lazy blogging, but also because I haven’t really been painting.

At one point, I borrowed ~10 library books on watercoloring, but I think there’s something about books that drain your creativity.  I definitely learned some techniques, but when I tried to mimic the paintings in the books – only to fail – I lost interest in painting for a while.

With that being said, I finally decided to use the canvas and frame I had sitting around my house to paint something to give as a gift – Calla lilies, black and white, with a hint of green on a golden yellow background.